I am always wondering if a man can live alone, without friends, without parents (I mean he was born without parents, just born from a stone). He lives his life just for himself, he needn't to take responsibility, no obligation. In other words, he has no relationship with others. He is a stranger in this world. That's must be very cool.
You know, sometimes I dream of being a man like this. I just want to fly far far away, just like a bird flying in the blue sky, without limitation. The real world is full of pain, full of cheat, full of lie. Sometimes I can't bear it. I nearly hate it. Oh, god help me, how can I be like this?
One of my college teachers ever said in classroom “most people are willing their parents die early”, she said, “so we can pursue freedom”. I don't quite agree with her, but I agree that we should pursue freedom. You know, sometimes we can't pursue freedom just because of our relatives. They restrict our steps, we must live our lives following their steps.
For me, I don't care much about what they ask me to do, you know, I am a wild man, I do everything as I wish. But sometimes I also struggle between others' wish and my own heart, the result is I get much pain.
So now I wish I am a man born from a stone. I know you may say bad words about me because of my “ugly” thought, but I don't care, because I can't cheat my heart, I just want to express my real feeling.
I don’t think your thoughts are ugly. Writing about your thoughts puts them into perspective. I too have negative thoughts but I try to see good everywhere. When I cannot see good I turn my back.